0:06
when people judge your parenting
Dear Mary,
My aunt has judged my parenting since my 13 year old daughter was a toddler. She thinks my daughter is rude, too loud, and out of control. She says things like “I just don’t feel this way around other kids” and “she makes my nervous system go into overdrive.” I spend every family gathering bracing for the next comment. I coach myself in the car. I channel my inner queen. And then I walk in and become a completely different person. Smaller. Apologetic. Desperate for her to finally see me differently. I’m exhausted. I don’t know what to say anymore.
— Anna
Anna came to our MOSO Academy Deep Work call this month carrying her grief like a scratchy wool blanket. Other moms either typed in the chat or just sat quietly recognizing themselves in every word.
Three times a month, we talk about the real stuff. Not the highlight reel but the invisible exhaustion. This time we talked about family members who makes you feel six years old again no matter how much therapy you’ve done. Anna was not alone. Neither are you.
There is a theme here…
Nothing works. Always on eggshells. So overwhelming. No matter what I do it doesn’t change.
I said: Anna. You described your aunt like she is a Spicy One.
Dysregulated humans are dysregulated humans. Whether they’re six or forty-six. Whether they live in your house or show up at Easter. The tools you can build to stay grounded with your child — inner royalty, connection before direction, asking for what you want — all work here too.
What would you council your own child to do?
I asked Anna: if your daughter had a friend who told her — repeatedly, across years — that she wasn’t good enough at the thing she cared about most, what would you tell her to do?
I’d tell her those words aren’t true. That person doesn’t have the right to keep saying them.
But what if this friend has known her most of her life?
Long pause.
I’d tell her to stop letting that person decide what’s true about her.
That’s the work. Not finding the perfect sentence that changes the judgey person’s mind. You cannot explain your way into some people’s approval. You can only decide to stop needing it.
The assignment
I asked Anna to write a description of the mother she actually is. Not for anyone else. In specific, honest, glowing detail — the choices she has made, the growth she has earned, the things she knows about her daughter that no one else in that room will ever know. Because she’s in MOSO Academy, I asked her to leave me a voice note in our private Instagram account.
I have watched it happen again and again: a mother walks into hard rooms differently when she approves of herself. When she isnt looking for validation from people who could never understand, something settles. The crown goes on. People feel it — even the ones who are triggered by this counter-cultural path to stay respectful and positive even when our child is neither.
Freedom comes when you stop outsourcing your sense of yourself to someone who was never a safe place anyway.
Five things to say when your family won’t let up
When someone says something unkind about your child in the moment:
“Let’s all take a breath. My child is not doing this on purpose. Please don’t scold them for having a hard time. If it’s too much, let me know and I’ll take them somewhere quieter.”
When the advice keeps coming: “We’ve done a lot of research and we’re not going to use that approach. I’d love it if we didn’t keep coming back to this.”
When someone discusses your child in front of them: “Can we agree not to talk about her behavior while she’s right here? It’s hard to hear yourself being discussed. I know from experience.”
When you need to name a boundary and mean it: “I’ve said what I need on this. I’m not going to keep explaining it. I trust you to respect it.”
When you want to open a hard conversation without starting a war: “I know you love her. So do I. That’s actually why I want to talk.”
Say the same thing every time. You don’t need a new version of the boundary. You just need to mean it.
You are not invisible here
You deserve to be in a room where people see how hard your parenting assignment is and respect the hell out of you for it.
Our next MOSO Academy Deep Work call is July 1st. It’s one of three calls we do every month — Kids, Teens, and Deep Work. Group coaching is my gifting. I would love to help you be the parent you want to be!
You have permission to set the boundaries that are best for you and your family.
You are a goddess.
Mary
What the Spicy One is Loving:
These flip flops feel so bumpy in a good way and make me smile every time I look down.
I’m wearing the socks of the young people and they make every outfit cooler.
15 days until my first backpacking trip. I’m not in cardio shape but i have all the cool camping supplies that my more experienced friends encouraged me to buy.
3:20
Keeping Kids Hydrated with Cure Founder, Lauren Picasso
The WHO oral rehydration solution that’s been around for more than five decades is supported by thousands of clinical trials and meta‑analyses showing it reliably restores fluid balance in children with diarrhea, fever or heat stress. It’s not a fancy sports drink; it’s a simple mix of water, sodium, potassium and a little glucose that the gut can absorb quickly.
Kids lose water faster than adults because their bodies are smaller, their kidneys are still maturing, and they often can’t tell you they’re thirsty until they’re already behind. In those moments—whether it’s a fever, vomiting, a long car ride, or a hot day—plain water often isn’t enough. Adding electrolytes helps the body retain the fluid instead of dumping it straight through the kidneys.
A typical sports drink can contain up to 40 grams of sugar per serving, which can actually pull water into the gut and worsen dehydration. The oral rehydration packets Lauren’s company makes for kids are low‑sugar, kid‑sized portions that fit neatly into a parent’s emergency kit. They’re designed to be mixed with a cup of water, giving the right balance of salts without the extra calories.
Even during pregnancy, staying hydrated with the right electrolyte mix can help prevent the same rapid fluid loss that kids experience. So, if you ever find yourself in the pharmacy aisle at 2 a.m. with a sick child, reach for a packet of low‑sugar electrolyte solution rather than a sugary sports drink—your kid’s body will thank you.
4:23
Telling Your Kids You’re Dating Again: The Conversation No One Prepares You For
A topic we don’t talk about enough, and one I’ve been asked about so many times that I finally sat down to write it out.
I’ve hesitated to write about dating after divorce for a while. Part of the reason is that there isn’t a lot of research on it. But the questions keep coming, and I think that silence is part of what makes it so hard for parents who are in it. So I want to offer my best thinking, drawn from what we do know about child development, what we know about adult mental health, and what I’ve learned from being in this conversation with parents over and over again (and from being there myself).
If this isn’t a topic that applies to your life right now, maybe you can send this to a friend! Chances are someone in your life is navigating it quietly, and this is one of those spaces where people often feel very alone. Please pass it along to them if it feels right.
Dating after divorce is loaded. For many people, the idea of starting again comes with guilt, grief, a sense of failure, longing, worry about the kids, and also the very real recognition that you are still a living, breathing person who would like a romantic life. It can feel overwhelming, exciting, humbling, impossible and necessary all at the same time.
The weight of that decision is actually useful. It will help you make more intentional choices, and it will make you more intentional about who you let into your life. Because this isn’t only about you anymore. When someone doesn’t earn a place in your world, you tend to notice it in a way you might not have when you were dating without kids.
One of the most important things to hold onto is that your timeline, and your child’s timeline, are two different things. To start dating someone new, you have to have already reached a place where you’ve accepted that your marriage is over. That in itself is its own process, and it often takes a long time. Then you have to decide you still have the bandwidth and hopefulness that you will meet someone wonderful. Your kids are not on that timeline. And even when they seem fine with the divorce, accepting that a parent might be with someone new is a different reckoning altogether. It’s a second adjustment, on its own time. The research suggests waiting about a year before introducing dating into your kids’ awareness in any real way, though there’s no single right answer. Circumstances vary. What matters is that you’re keeping your dating life largely off stage while your children move through their own adjustment, on their own clock.
One more thing the research is very clear about. The quality of the co-parenting relationship after a divorce is inextricably linked to child wellbeing. If you and your co-parent are functioning well enough together (more often than not), try to hold that in mind when you think about your dating life. You don’t want to provoke behavior from the other parent that isn’t good for anyone, and certainly not for the kids.
Before you start dating again, there’s some work worth doing. Ask yourself what went wrong in the marriage and what went right. What did it teach you? What do you actually need in a relationship? This matters because you don’t want to drift back into old patterns that won’t serve you, and you don’t want to model those patterns for your kids. Then think about what you want to tell them, if anything, depending on their age. You might decide to say something like, “I’m going to start going on dates, but I won’t introduce you to anyone unless it’s someone I think is important for our lives.” Or you might decide to only date on days when you don’t have custody, so the whole question stays off the table for now. There is no reason to bring your kids into casual dating or even discuss it with them. Think about your child’s temperament. Some kids want to know more. Some kids want to know almost nothing. You know your child.
It’s also worth making sure you have structural support in place. A therapist. Close friends you can talk to. Outlets for yourself that aren’t your children. If you find yourself showing them your dating apps, it’s time to find peer support. Also important, make sure your kids have their own people and their own outlets, so they never feel like they have to take care of you or fix your life. That is not their role.
There isn’t a universal right time to tell your kids. What I generally suggest is waiting at least a year after a divorce before bringing dating into the conversation, and sometimes longer if your kids are young. Younger children often don’t need to know you’re dating at all. They can go on living in the new reality they’re in. When it is time, lead with very little. You might start by asking, “Do you know what dating is? Tell me what you know.” If they’re old enough, you might say something like, “I’ve met someone I think is really special.
7:40
Ralph
Ralph was a top‑choice baby name in the United States for much of the early 20th century, showing up repeatedly on Nameberry’s decade‑by‑decade lists. Over time its popularity faded here, but it’s held steady in England, where it now feels distinctly classic. The British actor Ralph Fiennes, born December 22, adds a touch of gravitas that keeps the name sounding serious across the pond. In the U.S., many people’s mental picture of Ralph is colored by the quirky Simpsons kid, Ralph Wiggum, which gives the name a lighter, more playful vibe. Because of its vintage charm, Nameberry still recommends Ralph as a favorite retro option.
8:07
Jasper
December 25 is Christmas day, and Christmas name Jasper denotes one of the Three Wise Men who brought gifts to the infant Christ. On Nameberry’s list of old-fashioned baby names, Jasper actually reached its peak on the US Boys Top 1000 in 2023 and was one of Nameberry’s top boy names of the 2010s. A boy name that starts with J similar to stalwarts like Jacob and like James, Jasper was used for character Jasper Whitlock in Twilight.
8:26
Eliora
Eliora is a Hebrew girl name meaning “the Lord is my light”, perfect for post-solstice December, when light begins its return to the world. A name that sounds a bit like Aurora and other popular choices like Olivia and like Ophelia, Eliora has a melodic feel and makes great use of its many vowel sounds. Eliora has never been on the US Top 1000, but did rank 659 in England in 2024.
8:44
Regina
On December 27, 1935, Regina Jonas became the first woman ever to be ordained as a Rabbi. Nine years later, the Berlin resident was killed in the Holocaust. A girl name that is always in the US Top 1000, Regina is also a highly popular Mexican name and was the second most popular girl name in Mexico in 2024. An ancient saints’ name, Regina is counted on Nameberry’s list of medieval names.
9:02
Denzel
First name Denzel is closely linked to Hollywood star Denzel Washington, whose birthday is December 28th. Denzel is a strong name with a powerful meaning literally and figuratively, as it’s a Cornish name that means “from the high stronghold.” Denzel peaked at number 310 in 1993 but has since dropped off the US Top 1000 altogether and lands on Nameberry’s list of unique, rare, and uncommon boy names.
9:20
Diego
A Spanish name that is a variation of Jacob, Diego is highly popular internationally and especially so in Spanish speaking countries. In recent years Diego was the 10th most Mexican boy name, 16th in Spain, and 26th in Chile, and was also 11th in Italy and 84th in France. Diego has been among the US Top 1000 every year since 1963 and works as an artistic baby name. Andor star Diego Luna was born on December 29, 1979.
9:39
Titus
A truly ancient boy name, Titus is a New Testament name and a Shakespearean name and was also the name of Roman Emperor Titus, who was born on December 30, AD 39. On Nameberry’s list of boy names dads like more than moms and boy names kids consider cool, Titus has a masculine feel and might be intriguing to fans of the Roman Empire.
