0:04
July updates: What I've watched, read, eaten and noted this month
I’m loving how the World Cup has turned our living room into a little family hub—TV perched on the bookshelf, early mornings under blankets, and the kids buzzing with geography facts after each match. It’s the simple joy of cheering together that makes the whole house feel brighter, even if the TV’s a bit of a squeeze.
On the media side, we’ve just dived into “Your Friends and Neighbours,” a clever, funny thriller that’s got us hooked, and we’re eyeing “The Pitt” next because Pandora Sykes swears by it. In books, Douglas Stuart’s *John of John* surprised me with its bleak beauty, while Ann Patchett’s *Whistler* feels more grounded after that intensity.
Cooking has been a mix of easy staples—zucchini pasta, rice with dahl—and a standout: Ottolenghi’s confit tomato pasta with dukkah pangrattato, which the kids now request for birthdays. The new battery‑operated IKEA PS 2026 lamps have finally solved our lighting woes, adding a touch of modern glow to the room.
0:31
The Real Cost of Kids | Volume 37
It takes a village... and a whole lot more. We asked real parents to share a peek behind the curtain, from daycare that costs more than their mortgage to the surprising economics of buying berries in bulk.
Meet The Family:
A family of 3, one kid, 11 months old, living in Clark Fork, Idaho
What is your annual household income? (total annual HHI before taxes)
$125,000
What has surprised you as the most expensive part of having kids?
The cost of formula feels the most expensive. And now that she eats solids, the healthiest food is the most expensive. And she often doesn’t even eat it!
How much have you spent in the last 12 months on medical expenses related to your own pregnancy, birth, and pediatric care?
During my pregnancy (over a year ago) we spent soooo much money on unnecessary ultrasounds that were only 30% accurate. Our doctor kept telling us to fight our insurance to get them to cover it but even our insurance didn’t find them “medically necessary” so we had to fork over the money. Other than that, pediatric care only has co-pays and my $50,000 c-section was covered by insurance as well.
Has having children affected your career choices or earning potential? If so, how?
Absolutely. I don’t work so I can stay home with my kiddo. I love it, but some days I miss doing adult things and interacting with others. And sometimes I wonder how it could affect me down the road if I do choose to go back to work.
Have you had to make any major purchases or home modifications for your children? (think larger home, different car, renovations, etc.)
We added an $800/month car payment to feel safer and fit our family.
Did you or your partner take parental leave? If so, was it paid or unpaid?
I quit my job at about 3 months pregnant because we were getting ready to move for my husband’s job. Once baby was here, my husband was able to take four months off work with about 70% pay (I think it was) due to Washington state’s FMLA. Such an amazing benefit for families. I REALLY needed him while I recovered.
How much sleep do you get per night on average?
7 hours, always interrupted at 4am. Falling back asleep has been the hardest part of me.
How has having children impacted your social life and personal relationships?
I almost never hang out with friends anymore. They are either too busy with their own kids or don’t have kids and live completely different lives than me. Even the moms that have older kids don’t seem to remember what this stage of motherhood was like. I often feel very lonely for that reason.
Have you had to give up or significantly reduce hobbies or activities since having children?
Something always has to give. If I take the time to workout, the house is a mess. If I make the time for reading, I usually lose sleep.
What aspects of parenting do you find most rewarding, despite the costs?
Watching her interact with other kids is my favorite. And knowing that I am irreplaceable as her mother makes me feel like I have a purpose.
How has having children affected your mental health and stress levels?
The newborn stage felt like a crisp slap in the face. I lost all my confidence, was constantly exhausted, struggled with breastfeeding, argued with my husband constantly. But now that she’s already more independent (crawling around, almost walking, playing with toys on her own, enjoying walks), I am finally starting to feel like myself again.
If you could go back in time, would you have done anything or prepared differently before having kids?
I’m glad I waited until my 30s to have kids. I feel more mature dealing with the tough times. But I wish I would have taken more advantage of the free time I had to exercise, especially group exercise classes! I always made friends or at least interacted with others AND got a great workout in.
What’s one piece of financial advice you’d give to new or expecting parents?
Money is often a stressful topic, especially in relationships. My husband and I talk about it all the time and I find that helps us craft our goals and not feel behind financially.
We have a really strict budget that shows us each paycheck exactly where every dollar goes. To some, that sounds overwhelming but it’s a game changer for reaching our goals. I have it setup for at least 6 months into the future and is totally customizable for both my husband and I to change. Each paycheck, we talk about if there is anything that needs to change based on recent circumstances.
Talking about finances often makes us feel like a team, even if I am not technically contributing to the income.
2:28
A washable airbrush kit we're obsessed with, easy red sandals, and spicy bird seed that repels squirrels
I’m sitting on the porch of the house where Ben takes drum lessons; he’s rocking out in there, and it’s a breezy 72 degrees and sunny out here. I’m forever humbled by the experience of watching kids become who they are; what a joy to hear the music that is in him emerge. After a hectic few weeks, this was the first unscheduled weekend that felt truly like summer; a long catch-up drinks with a dear friend, dinner at the lake, lots of swimming, puttering around without an agenda, working on projects in the house, making art with the kids, grilling dinner and eating outside.
A.
2:47
WTF Is Happening To My Body: Weeks 24-27
In this episode, I break down every symptom from weeks 24-27 during this third pregnancy, from swollen hands to the return of my hemorrhoids (yes, we’re going there). I open up about the intrusive thoughts that ramped back up this pregnancy, plus the crash outs that come with parenting a two-and-a-half-year-old while also growing a human.
2:58
Finding a middle ground on kids and screens
Hi there, sapiens! How’s your summer going? Here at Techno Sapiens HQ we’re in the midst of a superhero-themed birthday week (month) for my now 5-year-old. We’re talking: superhero costumes, cake, balloons, napkins, temporary tattoos, coloring books, pajamas, shoes, and, of course, this “banner backdrop” I panic-ordered at midnight when I became convinced we didn’t have enough superhero accoutrements. It’s now hanging in our living room. Ah, the joys of parenting.
Anyway, I thought we could all use something short and sweet today, and I have just the thing. A few weeks ago, I sat down with Dr. Chloe Massey to answer some commonly asked questions about kids and screens for her readers.
Dr. Chloe is a child development specialist and parenting advisor who has helped hundreds of families navigate challenges—from sleep struggles, to tantrums, to picky eating, to school transitions—and find solutions that work for them. She is also, luckily for me, a good friend (and mom of three boys, so she knows her way around a superhero theme).
I thought our conversation offered a nice (succinct!) summary of some of my current thinking on these topics, and I’m excited to share it here.
You can check out Dr. Chloe’s work on her website, and follow her on Instagram @drchloemassey.
Jackie: So much of our parenting around screens and social media is driven by fear and guilt. We are constantly hearing about the dangers of technology—that it’s bad for kids’ mental health, development, social skills, learning, etc. From the research, we know that the truth is actually more complicated.
The analogy we so often hear for using screens is smoking, with the idea that it is simply bad for kids’ health, and there’s no safe or healthy way to do it. I think a better analogy is cars. Like screens, cars are part of our lives that are unlikely to go away anytime soon, and they have some benefits! Of course, they also have risks and can be incredibly dangerous. How they affect well-being depends on how we use them, and who is using them. The same is true for screens.
If we can step outside the scary headlines we so often see, we can approach screens in a way that is more thoughtful, with consideration for how they’re being used, how much, and how they may be impacting our individual children.
Jackie: When it comes to managing our kids’ technology use, I would encourage families to try shifting from the mindset of “me vs. you” to “us vs. them.” So often families get stuck in conflict, with me (the parent) fighting against you (the child), trying to set boundaries, hold limits, and arguing for why these technologies are bad.
As much as we can, I would try to shift the thinking toward “us” (parent and child together) versus “them,” meaning the challenges inherent in the technology itself. We can validate that it is really hard for all of us, parents and kids alike, to manage the draw of these technologies—they are designed in ways to make it hard! We can then be working together with our kids to figure out the best solutions for our families.
Jackie: One thing that has surprised me is the judgment that so many parents feel around their choices related to technology. This happens in all areas of parenting, but now being a parent myself, I can clearly see how the larger cultural conversations about smartphones, social media, and AI are really impacting parents’ emotional experiences with these tools day to day.
More and more, I feel that parents just don’t need more scare tactics or warnings about the dangers of these technologies. And they definitely do not need judgment! What they need is real support to manage these tools effectively in their homes, and to feel good about doing that based on their own values and preferences.
Jackie: One principle that I really try to keep in mind for myself and my kids is “people first”—basically, the people in front of you should come before the screen.
For example, my 4-year-old has these long allergist appointments where he has to wait for an hour or more, so I’ll often let him watch a show on my phone while we’re waiting. I’ve tried to set the expectation, though, that anytime someone comes into the room, he has to pause the show, look them in the eye, and say hello.
For myself, I do try to be aware of when I’m on my phone around my kids, and not to have them feel like my phone is taking precedence over my connection to them. I’m obviously not perfect at this—and I think that’s okay!—but it’s something I definitely try to keep in mind.
Oh, and one other habit I swear by: I sleep with my phone outside of the bedroom! Sleep is so important, and I don’t want calls or texts (or late-night doomscrolling) to wake me up. I’ll leave that to my 2-year-old screaming “The Wheels on the Bus” at 5am instead. :)
What did you think of this week’s Techno Sapiens? Your feedback helps me make this better. Thank you!
