okay… early start to the morning, coffee in hand, warm against my palms while i listen to some oldies on my Tivoli model 3 BT, i’m tunning the dial as we speak…i feel that music has been a beautiful companion whenever i’m in this mode of writing here via substack…
this morning i’d like to get back into a topic that i’ve spent the last six or so years studying and pulling information that would otherwise be vital and important to anyone out here attempting to build genuine relationships with another person..
time is of the essence but so much of your energy has been given to potential, people and places that never intended to match your energy and effort…
the first month of anything is so fucking important! the first month is not the honeymoon, the first month is often an audition and most of us are so busy being chosen that we forget we’re allowed to choose too and i believe a lot of women fall into this position or place intentionally, the way their counterpart in this dance wants to maintain the power and control as to dictate the result…
a narcissist doesn’t show you who they are… they show you who you want. that’s the whole trick…. so you can’t wait for a confession.. you have to watch the damn pattern.
these questions aren’t for him… they’re for you. read them slow, notice which ones you flinch at the most, keep note of that.. i mean it.
the first ten aren’t the obvious ones, hell… you may not have even thought of any of these on this entire list… the obvious red flags, he already knows how to hide but these are the ones he can’t perform his way through..
i hope this helps!!
the ten he can’t fake
when something good happens to you, what does his face do in the first second, before he arranges it?
does he remember the small things you love, or only the ones that made him look good to give?
when you’re sick, does he take care of you, or does he need the crisis to somehow become about him?
have you ever watched him be kind to someone who could do nothing for him?
does he ask follow-up questions, or does every story you tell become a doorway back to him?
when you win at something, does he feel like your teammate or your competition?
how does he treat the waiter, the driver, the person he’ll never see again?
does he apologize before you’ve had to get upset, or only once the mood has already cost him something?
when you talk about a dream that doesn’t include him, does he get curious or does he get quiet?
has he ever said “that’s a boundary, i’ll respect it,” without you having to fight for it first?
those ten aren’t the obvious ones on purpose. the red flags everyone warns you about, he learned to hide years ago. these are the ones with no audience payoff. the ones he can’t act his way through.
there are ninety more. but the first ten are about him. the next ninety are about you. what you’re already feeling and calling nothing, what your body knew before your mind agreed to it. that’s the part that changes what you actually do next.
