most first dates are an audition where both people are trying to pass. that’s the fucking problem, you learn how good he is at seeming, not who he actually is…his true nature and by the time the difference shows up, you’ve given him months you can’t get back.
these five questions cut through the noise, they’re not clever and they’re not cute. each one is built to surface the two things that no man can fake their way through for long, emotional intelligence and character and each one has a version of an answer that should end the night right there… politely, warmly and finally… of course.
because a first date isn’t a place to be hopeful, it’s a place to pay attention!
okay.. lets begin with the first…
1. tell me about a falling out with someone you were close to. what happened?
you’re not listening to the story. you’re listening to how he holds his own part in it.
2. when was the last time someone gave you feedback that stung, and what did you do with it?
this one tests whether he can take input without collapsing or getting even.
3. what’s something you’ve changed your mind about, and what changed it?
rigidity is the tell. you want to hear a before, a moment, and an after.
4. how do you act when you’re stressed and no one’s watching?
emotional intelligence is mostly self-awareness. this asks for it directly.
5. what do you do when someone you care about is going through something you can’t fix?
this is the empathy test, and it’s the one men perform hardest to pass.
okay… got it? these questions are the easy part and anyone can ask them… the reason women stay too long isn’t that they didn’t ask… it’s that they didn’t know what they were hearing, a good answer and a disqualifying one can sound so damn similar on that first date. the difference is in the details and the details… are below…
next, we look into the answers for each of the five questions and categorize them as the following…
the green flag, what a genuinely healthy answer actually sounds like, not the version he thinks you want…
the one and done, the specific reply that means you finish your drink, thank him and never text back… including the ones dressed up to sound like growth…
why it costs you later, what each fraudulent answer turns into.. two years in, so you can feel the price now instead of paying it later…
one honest first date is cheaper than the year you’d have spent hoping he’d change…
