Jul 23, 2026 · 2 min listen · Last updated July 23, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Hey, it's Wit. July 23rd. Seven in comedy — pour the coffee, this gets weird fast. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Tate Brothers Arrested In Florida. K. What do you think?
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Daily Comedy Brief · July 23rd
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Tate Brothers Arrested In Florida
Influencers Andrew and Tristan Tate were arrested in Florida on rape and sex trafficking charges and now face potential extradition to the U.K. What do you think?
“I thought Florida was an alpha male sanctuary state.”
Caleb Singer, Fruit Ripener
“Will this affect their home renovation show?”
Diane Goldberg, Wallpaper Patcher
“I love when siblings are close.”
Lester Cox, List Generator
The post Tate Brothers Arrested In Florida appeared first on The Onion.
‘I Was Once A Normal Little Boy Like You,’ Disney World Donald Duck Warns Terrified Child
ORLANDO, FL—In what eyewitnesses described as a deeply disturbing and totally unhinged interaction, a Disney World Donald Duck reportedly warned a terrified child Thursday that he was once a normal little boy. “I may look like a silly anthropomorphic duck, but I was once a child just like you,” said the Donald Duck character, claiming that while Disney World might be the most magical place on earth, it was a dark and perverse magic. “I see in your eyes the innocence I once possessed. I am Donald Kaminski, or at least I used to be. This is no costume, it is my flesh.
New Geneva Convention Allows Use Of Child Soldiers With Signed Permission Slip
GENEVA—In an effort to codify parental oversight for underage troops, a new Geneva Convention adopted Thursday reportedly allowed for the use of child soldiers with a signed permission slip from a legal guardian. “This landmark treaty expressly forbids minors from enlisting in combat roles unless sanctioned by their parent or guardian,” said International Committee of the Red Cross President Mirjana Spoljaric Egger, explaining that the update would end the barbaric practice of children under 18 entering the frontline without the express consent of their caregiver.
Study: Majority Of Americans Would Benefit From Decreased Phone Use During Sex
WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the negative effects of excessive screen time, a new study from Georgetown University published Thursday found that most Americans would benefit from cutting down on phone use during sex. “New data suggests setting down your phone during intercourse can positively impact your life, even if it’s just for a few thrusts,” said lead researcher Dr.
Rationale for War with Iran or Reason Men Back Into Parking Spaces?
1. They hope to make a quick exit.
2. They want to reduce the chance of getting hit.
3. They enjoy displaying their skill even if little is actually accomplished and it takes longer than necessary.
4. It’s basically just become a habit now.
5. New cameras and sensors make it easier than ever before.
6. They enjoy a moment of control and power in an otherwise chaotic world.
7. Conditions will be more hazardous later if they don’t use this maneuver now.
8. Their dads and grandads did it, too.
9. They must protect the defenseless Americans walking through this Trader Joe’s parking lot.
10.