Jul 31, 2026 · 1 min listen · Last updated July 31, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit here. July 31st. Seven pieces of comedy from the open web — let's see what stuck. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Baseball Hall Of Fame Displays Fossilized Skeleton Of Stan Musial.
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Daily Comedy Brief · July 31st
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Baseball Hall Of Fame Displays Fossilized Skeleton Of Stan Musial
Published:
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Man Just Sayin’
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Bump Taken Off Fentanyl Test Strip
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Sign Clarifies Street Named After Different Martin Luther King
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Dog Understands Loneliness Of Success After Tug Of War Victory
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Loud Friend Makes Loud Point
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Study: Majority Of Americans Out Of Step With America
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Gathering Of Pigeons Shown Who Is Boss
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Report: Every Goddamn Light In The House On
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Dubai Revealed To Be A Mirage
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Third Grade Teacher Sighs, Helps Lost Cause With Long-Division Problem
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Area Mom On Phone From Costco, Wants To Know Your Pant Size
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Man Even Sore From Half-Assing It
Spider-Man: Brand New Day opens in theaters this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the new film.
Q: What’s the premise?
A: The “premise”? Easy there, college boy. It’s a Spider-Man movie.
Published:
-
Man Just Sayin’
-
Bump Taken Off Fentanyl Test Strip
-
Sign Clarifies Street Named After Different Martin Luther King
-
Dog Understands Loneliness Of Success After Tug Of War Victory
-
Loud Friend Makes Loud Point
-
Study: Majority Of Americans Out Of Step With America
-
Gathering Of Pigeons Shown Who Is Boss
-
Report: Every Goddamn Light In The House On
-
Dubai Revealed To Be A Mirage
-
Third Grade Teacher Sighs, Helps Lost Cause With Long-Division Problem
-
Area Mom On Phone From Costco, Wants To Know Your Pant Size
-
Man Even Sore From Half-Assing It
1. I’ll overheat and sweat through the armpit area of my shirt.
2. I’ll mix up my words and embarrass myself.
3. The audience will collectively decide to murder me.
4. I’ll speak too quickly and forget to take pauses in between sentences.
5. While I focus on trying to slow down my delivery, everyone in the audience will enter a sort of hive-mind, where they can communicate telepathically. Through this, they will agree that they’d like to see me killed and it’s time to begin planning the best method for my execution.
6. The stress will make my skin blotchy.
7.