Aug 19, 2026 · 4 min listen · Last updated August 19, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit here, August 19th. The comedy desk — seven sets, sketches, and stunts worth your eight minutes. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. I Refuse To Get My Toddler Hooked on ‘Cocomelon’, So We Watch the Music Video for “Smack My Bitch Up” Instead.
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Daily Comedy Brief · August 19th
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I Refuse To Get My Toddler Hooked on ‘Cocomelon’, So We Watch the Music Video for “Smack My Bitch Up” Instead
When I found out I was pregnant, my first thought was, Will I keep it? Then I remembered I live in Texas and shifted to a choice a woman is allowed to make: Will I let this kid have screen time? I’m a realist, so obviously. But there’d be none of that filthy CocoMelon crap. No way.
Shrinkflation on the Rise: Ticket Now Only Gets You One Duran
LOS ANGELES — The same ticket that used to get fans into a Duran Duran show will now only admit entry to a single Duran, sources confirmed. “I bought these tickets weeks ago, but I’m just now noticing they’re for a singular Duran,” said Dawit Davis, dedicated devotee of Duran Duran. “I called Ticketmaster, and the most they could tell me is that I now owe a $9.99 customer support fee. So I did what anyone would do: I complained to ChatGPT. When it incorrectly told me both Durans died in a plane crash in Iowa in 1959, I asked my buddy who has a better version of ChatGPT.
White House Confirms It Customary For President To Start Press Conference With ‘Moo’
WASHINGTON—Defending the introductory barnyard sounds as typical for any commander-in-chief, White House officials confirmed Wednesday that it was customary for U.S. presidents to start a press conference with the word ‘moo.’ “Of course the left-wing press is going to attempt to spin this as some sort of insult or mental outburst, but countless presidents since America’s founding have begun taking questions by pointing at a heavyset reporter and making a deep, bellowing cow noise,” said White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, asserting that several archival recordings of John F.
Candidates from the left’s Democratic Socialists of America party have been gaining momentum around the country in primaries leading up to the midterms. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding the DSA. MYTH: Socialist ideas have never worked in the real world. FACT: No political theory has ever worked in real life. MYTH: The Soviet Union had democratic socialism. FACT: The Soviet Union had a dog who went to space. MYTH: The government will take away your money and give it to the poor. FACT: You are the poor.
Honest Parks and Rec Soccer Itinerary, Ages 4-5 League
Players will arrive at the field, get their shirts, get incredibly excited about their shirts, demand to know why Moana isn’t on any of the shirts, fight among each other about who got the best shirt, and hopefully get within six inches of the ball at some point. Players’ parents will begrudgingly accept that their children are not going to participate in any of the drills unless they get on the field as well and join them to halfheartedly jog after a soccer ball for the first time since they thought making their middle school’s junior varsity team was a big deal.