Aug 23, 2026 · 3 min listen · Last updated August 23, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. It's Wit. August 23rd. Seven things made me laugh out loud at my desk; we'll start with the worst one. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. DOJ Develops Pathway To Restore Gun Rights To Felons.
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Daily Comedy Brief · August 23rd
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DOJ Develops Pathway To Restore Gun Rights To Felons
The Department of Justice finalized a rule that creates a path for some convicted felons to have their gun rights restored, with officials claiming those who pose a public danger could only be approved in “extraordinary circumstances.” What do you think? “Everyone deserves a second chance to hurt people.” Jeremy Morales, Muffin Tester “It’s important to get felons reacquainted with civilian gunfire as soon as possible.” Rocco Spence, Knife Polisher “Big deal, my 3D printer can do that too.” Summer Cruz, Cannon Restorer The post DOJ Develops Pathway To Restore Gun Rights To Felons appeared…
I Said I Got a Pocketful of SUNSHINE, Motherfucker! — Guest Post by Natasha Bedingfield
She opens with a barrage of insults, calling the listener broke, empty‑pocketed, and basically a nobody. She throws in a quick geography lesson—London‑born, New Zealand‑raised, and claims every single Kiwi knows her while nobody in that country knows the person she’s talking to. She’s basically saying, “I’m famous, you’re not.”
Then she lists her credentials: her music’s been in promos for Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy, and even in the Lost syndication spots. She’s mocking the idea that the listener has any chart presence, saying there’s no Top 100 hit for them. She’s also bragging that her brother was a judge on the first season of New Zealand’s X‑Factor, while the listener’s brother is a construction worker. The tone is all “you’re a joke, I’m the real deal.”
She takes the rant to a national level, calling the United States a “declining empire” and a joke, and even insulting the president. She then goes full mythological, saying the sun lives in her pocket, Helios is at her side, and she’s basically a walking, talking god
‘Abbey Road’ Biographer Reveals Paul Made Everyone Use the Crosswalk
CARNOUSTIE, Scotland — A new biography about the six-frame photoshoot for the Beatles’ final recorded studio album asserts that Paul McCartney insisted the Fab Four use the zebra-stripe crosswalk and move single file while crossing Abbey Road. “The photographer, Iain Macmillan, came to the shoot with a series of wild designs and playful sketches to promote the band’s bubbly, carefree image. One sketch had the band up in a tree. Another had them jaywalking on their hands.