Aug 25, 2026 · 4 min listen · Last updated August 25, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit, August 25th. That's the joke. Here's why it landed — seven of them, actually. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. ‘Behold, Meta’s New AI,’ Says Mark Zuckerberg Covering Nipples In Tinfoil.
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Daily Comedy Brief · August 25th
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‘Behold, Meta’s New AI,’ Says Mark Zuckerberg Covering Nipples In Tinfoil
MENLO PARK, CA—Providing an internal update on his latest breakthrough in the smart technology sector, Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg reportedly invited employees to behold the company’s “new AI” Monday as he lifted his top to display his tinfoil-covered nipples. “Here, beneath my humble shirt, lies the future of hyperintelligent AI integration,” said the billionaire tech CEO, sticking his chest out to reveal two semi-pointy silver “data centers” scrunched around his areolas. “It may not look like much now, but these shiny protruding nubs will soon be known as the nexus of machine and man.
New evidence suggests Amazon is buying up rare books and tearing their pages from their spines in order to feed its AI models with unique information. What do you think? “If they’re so good, how come they’re rare?” Fernando Esquivel, Titanium Bender “Just when I was about to get into 16th-century tomes.” Miles Yoder, Detective Trainee “Just what we need: pretentious robots.” The post Amazon Destroying Rare Books To Train AI appeared first on The Onion.
LOS ANGELES—Empowering their users to be completely upfront about their intentions, officials for the dating app Raya announced Tuesday they were launching an all-new PR Relationship Mode. “Whether you’re looking for a 23-year-old model to serve as your latest beard or a fellow Hollywood A-lister to help you promote your new blockbuster, Raya’s PR Relationship Mode will help you acquire the paparazzi shots and People articles you’re looking for,” said CEO Daniel Gendelman, who shared that the app would allow up to six users to be logged on to the same account at the same time to ensure…
I’ll Give You Fifteen Thousand Dollars to Stop Asking Me to Go Hiking
First off, congratulations on becoming an “outdoors person.” Three years ago, you thought mosquitoes were government drones. Now you own boots with names like “Expedition Carbon Ultra GTX.” People change. I’m happy for you. Which is why I’d like to offer you fifteen thousand dollars to pretend you never invited me. Seriously. Take it. Use it for backpacks, trekking poles, tiny titanium spoons, or whatever mysterious economy hikers have built among themselves. I simply cannot spend my Saturday voluntarily climbing a mountain whose greatest achievement is being taller than the parking lot.
Scientists Confirm Reggie Watts Has First Ego Psychedelics Can’t Kill
LOS ANGELES — A group of neuroscientists studying the effects of the psychedelic experience made a startling breakthrough recently, announcing this morning their discovery that comedic loops musician Reggie Watts possesses the only known ego in the world that stays completely intact no matter how many powerful hallucinogens it is exposed to. “Frankly it’s confounding,” chief researcher Nathan Hartmann said at a panel earlier today.