Aug 31, 2026 · 4 min listen · Last updated August 31, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Hey, it's Wit. August 31st. Seven in comedy — pour the coffee, this gets weird fast. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Iran Releases Video Threatening Barron Trump.
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Daily Comedy Brief · August 31st
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Iran Releases Video Threatening Barron Trump
Iranian state media released a video that appeared to threaten the life of President Trump’s youngest son, Barron, with the Islamic Republic placing a $10 million bounty on his head. What do you think? “Iran is only doing that because they have a crush on him.” Cliff Andrews, Unemployed “Whoops, Barron’s the son. Donald is the dad.” Morgan Thinklets, Fruit Peeler “What a horrifying way to find out you have a son.” Nikolai Koval, Hardwood Distresser The post Iran Releases Video Threatening Barron Trump appeared first on The Onion.
I don’t know exactly when my time will come, but when it does, I want a truly remarkable animal that embodies the full splendor of nature to gorge upon my lifeless form. I haven’t any one species in mind, but consider the lion. It is undoubtedly among earth’s most magnificent carnivores, and having a pride of these impressive beasts tear my corpse to shreds would be an extremely satisfying capstone to a life spent marveling at nature in all its multifaceted glory. Then there are the arctic fox and the great horned owl, either of which might delight in nibbling away at my body.
Dept. Of Interior Sets Aside 2.3 Million Acres For Future Trumps To Enjoy
WASHINGTON—Calling the act a forward-looking attempt to preserve the nation’s most precious natural treasures for the president’s descendants, the Department of the Interior announced Monday that it would set aside a 2.3-million-acre stretch of American land for future Trumps to enjoy.
Summer’s winding down, but the FUN’S just getting started. Onboard our fleet of immaculately sanitized cruise liners, you and your family will discover an ocean of possibilities while minimizing your exposure to hantavirus, norovirus, Legionnaires’ disease, and so much more. Get ready to create unforgettable memories in a thoroughly disinfected environment deemed inhospitable to the majority of the world’s most deadly microorganisms. Excitement and relaxation await on these, the most hygienic ships on the sea. The fun starts before you even embark.
Tipper Gore Admits She Only Started the PMRC Because She Was Denied a Backstage Pass at a Judas Priest Show
MONTECITO, Calif. — Former second lady of the United States Tipper Gore admitted that she only co-founded the Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC) after being denied a backstage pass at a Judas Priest concert in 1985, sources report. “It’s embarrassing, but yes, that’s the real reason I started the committee,” Gore said. “I was a huge Judas Priest fan, and I just assumed that I would automatically be given a backstage pass at their Knoxville show since I was the wife of a U.S. Senator. However, I was completely turned away when I tried to join the band after the show, which was humiliating.
Five Movies “Return of the Fly” by the Misfits Might Be About
Alright, it’s time for some Misfits! Who doesn’t love these infamous progenitors of horror punk? Whether you’re rocking out to Glenn Danzig’s signature crooning in their older releases or January 6th enthusiast Michale Graves’ perfectly serviceable nineties albums, they’ve got something for everybody. Today, we’re going to revisit a beloved tune from their classic Static Age album while we speculate what movie the song “Return of the Fly” is about. This one seems kind of unlikely, seeing as how Static Age was recorded in 1978, which is a full 15 years before The Good Son.