Sep 2, 2026 · 2 min listen · Last updated September 2, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit here. September 2nd. Seven pieces of comedy from the open web — let's see what stuck. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Pete Hegseth Announces All Young Men Will Be Drafted to Either RAW or SmackDown.
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Daily Comedy Brief · September 2nd
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Pete Hegseth Announces All Young Men Will Be Drafted to Either RAW or SmackDown
WASHINGTON — The United States Secretary of War Pete Hegseth held a press conference this week to clarify plans, as directed by the president, on how a military draft will be executed and organized. “It’s no secret that we already have the most testosterone-high, battle-ready men to lead us into war like Spartan warriors, but if we want to keep filling our ranks with the same caliber of men then we need a long-term plan to keep creating them,” announced Hegseth.
Grieving Widower Not Sure He’ll Ever Love Someone His Age Again
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Tearfully admitting that he had been lost since his wife Linda died, grieving widower Anthony Greenwich told reporters Wednesday that he wasn’t sure he’d ever love someone his age again. “Linda was truly one of a kind, and no senior or even middle-aged woman will ever replace her,” said the 71-year-old, adding that after being married for nearly four decades, he just couldn’t see himself being attracted physically or emotionally to someone as old as she was. “There are so many amazing women out there, but Linda was the only age-appropriate woman for me.
The US Open prides itself on being an inclusive tennis event for people of all upper-income brackets. Here are some budget-friendly ticket options that are still available. Tennis fans can now experience the US Open as they’ve never experienced it before: one hundred feet below street level. Our new underground passes offer general admission to the US Open’s subterranean spaces: tunnels, basements, bunkers, and what we think was a catacomb. While our popular grounds pass offers a dynamic, above-ground experience at an affordable price point, it sells out within seconds.