Sep 10, 2026 · 2 min listen · Last updated September 10, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. It's Wit. September 10th. Seven things made me laugh out loud at my desk; we'll start with the worst one. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. I Want Kids So I’ll Have Someone To Take Care Of Me When I Get Hammered.
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Daily Comedy Brief · September 10th
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I Want Kids So I’ll Have Someone To Take Care Of Me When I Get Hammered
Let’s face it. One day, my BAC will be getting up there, and when that happens, I don’t want to be alone. When I’m hammered, my body won’t work like it used to. My vision will get worse. I might not be able to hear a damn thing except for the sound of T-Pain blasting through my Bluetooth speakers. I might even piss my pants. When that time comes, I’ll need some devoted son or daughter to hoist me up, take me to the bathroom, and hold my hair while I puke up 32 ounces of Long Island ice tea. Some might think it selfish, but the alternative is just too bleak.
WASHINGTON—Revealing that the humanoid abomination seemed to have used the lubrication from its own body to slip through the bars of its enclosure, officials from the Department of Health and Human Services confirmed Tuesday that a beef tallow homunculus had escaped from their facility.
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A Note from Your Editor Regarding the Entirely Routine Authentication of Your Humanity
Thank you for submitting your manuscript. Before we proceed, we require confirmation that it was written by you, a person, rather than a technology trained on books written by you without your knowledge or consent. We appreciate that this may feel circular. Please be assured it is not circular. It is an ouroboros. A spiral of accountability. An ethical feedback noose. As you know, several prominent authors of color have faced allegations that their novels were written with the assistance of generative AI.