Sep 15, 2026 · 6 min listen · Last updated September 15, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. It's Wit. September 15th. Seven things made me laugh out loud at my desk; we'll start with the worst one. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Casper Recalls Mattresses That Won’t Stop Expanding When Unboxed.
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Daily Comedy Brief · September 15th
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Casper Recalls Mattresses That Won’t Stop Expanding When Unboxed
NEW YORK—In an urgent step intended to protect customers and humanity itself from the company’s flagship product, Casper Sleep announced Tuesday an immediate recall of mattresses that won’t stop expanding once unboxed.
Way, way too early to start salting roads, Hinesburg, VT Highway Department Way, way too early to start salting roads, Hinesburg, VT Highway Department Laptop Taken Into Bathroom Fourth Sneeze Really Pushing It Pretty Girl Hugged With Both Arms Handful Of Sour Patch Kids Grabbed For Trip To Mailbox New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted Evidence Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept.
The family of Katherine Lee, 35, asks that in lieu of flowers, mourners send any guesses about what her passwords might be. Way, way too early to start salting roads, Hinesburg, VT Highway Department Way, way too early to start salting roads, Hinesburg, VT Highway Department Laptop Taken Into Bathroom Fourth Sneeze Really Pushing It Pretty Girl Hugged With Both Arms Handful Of Sour Patch Kids Grabbed For Trip To Mailbox New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police…
You Don’t Qualify for an ER Visit Until After You Attend This Online Group Class About How to Care for Your Giant Gaping Wound at Home
Welcome to your online group health class “Caring for Your Deep Laceration at Home.” We are sorry to hear that your body was badly cut, stabbed, or mauled. This class will teach you simple at-home care techniques you can start using today. I see we have a question popping up in the chat. “When can I see an ER doctor?” Great question. The ER can be a busy place, so out of respect for your time and our HMO cost-saving measures, you have been referred to take this class first.
Nervous Mariska Hargitay Calms Self Down By Picturing Audience Brutally Murdered
Mariska Hargitay, hosting the Primetime Emmy Awards, found herself battling nerves backstage at the Peacock Theater. To calm herself, she resorted to an unusual mental exercise: picturing the audience being brutally murdered. As she took a deep breath, she imagined actors like Matthew Rhys and Keri Russell lying lifeless in front of her, which somehow made the whole situation feel less daunting. Instead of focusing on the star-studded crowd, she envisioned them as a “sea of nameless victims,” which, in her mind, was a lot less intimidating. However, her technique took a turn when she suddenly imagined the corpses laughing at her.
The Angels celebrated a base hit with fireworks, which is a bit like throwing a party for a sneeze—unexpected and slightly over the top. Meanwhile, someone’s really pushing their luck with a fourth sneeze, and a pretty girl is getting a hug that seems to last longer than most first dates. A handful of Sour Patch Kids is deemed essential for a trip to the mailbox, because who doesn’t need candy for that?
In the world of coffee, a new study reveals that 81% of Starbucks patrons are silently judging each other. It’s like a covert competition of who can sip their latte with the most nonchalance. Grandma called to reminisce about 1956, which is a reminder that some conversations are timeless, even if they veer into the territory of “back in my day.”
In a bizarre twist, police misplaced planted evidence, which raises questions about how one misplaces something they intentionally put there. An old thing is described as really heavy, which sounds like a metaphor for emotional baggage. A silent protest has sparked a silent debate, proving that sometimes the loudest conversations happen without a single word.
The Department of Tautology has re-released a report for the second time, which is a bit like saying “again, once more.” A sixth beer has stepped in to speak for an area man, because sometimes you just need a liquid voice of reason. In culinary news, a study finds that the majority of the nation’s sweat is now attributed to eating spicy wings—who knew dinner could double as a workout?
In the realm of leisure, a wedding ring gets jammed into a slot machine, which sounds like a metaphor for commitment issues. And chess spectators are witnessing moves that anyone can make, while an amazing psychic is bending the truth with their mind, which is impressive but raises the question of whether they can bend the truth about their own predictions. Lastly, an independent bookstore has acquired a cat, because what’s a bookstore without a feline presence? And a play within a play is still boring, proving that some layers of art just can’t be saved.