Sep 16, 2026 · 4 min listen · Last updated September 16, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. It's Wit. September 16th. Seven things made me laugh out loud at my desk; we'll start with the worst one. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Mamdani to Provide More Funding for New York City’s Ghostbusters.
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Daily Comedy Brief · September 16th
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Mamdani to Provide More Funding for New York City’s Ghostbusters
Mayor Zohran Mamdani is stepping up funding for New York City’s Ghostbusters, a move that’s raising eyebrows and spirits. Standing outside their iconic firehouse, he declared that the Ghostbusters deserve a budget that reflects their critical role in keeping the city safe from the supernatural, especially when they’ve been operating on a shoestring compared to the police and fire departments. He even threw in a catchy line about bustin’ feeling good, which is a nice touch, if a bit cheesy.
However, not everyone is thrilled. The ghost of Cornelius Vanderbilt, weighed down by his own life choices, is particularly disgruntled. He’s worried that the Ghostbusters might start targeting wealthy spirits like himself, instead of focusing on the more tragic hauntings from the past. It’s a classic case of rich ghosts feeling entitled to haunt without scrutiny.
Janine Melnitz, a representative for the Ghostbusters, chimed in, emphasizing the high costs of their operations, from proton packs to legal fees. Apparently, they’re still paying off the rights to the theme song, which feels like a haunting of its own.
In a bizarre twist, the Trump administration has decided to appoint the ghosts of billionaires to a “dead cabinet,” led by Mitch McConnell. So, if you thought the afterlife was just for the dearly departed, think again. It seems the political landscape is as ghostly as ever.
In Harrisburg, 27-year-old Albert Olmsted has passed away, and the local community is grappling with the fact that he wasn’t exactly what you’d call “cool.” His coworker at Walmart, Janelle, shared her condolences but didn’t hold back, noting that Albert insisted on being called by his full name and wore Skechers daily. Apparently, he was so committed to his image that he threatened HR over a nickname.
The coroner, George Yang, chimed in, pointing out that while death is serious, some exits are just more glamorous than others. Albert’s demise involved slipping on a Biscoff cookie wrapper and suffering a slow brain bleed, which, let’s be honest, doesn’t exactly scream rock star.
Music historian Dorin Waters weighed in, highlighting that true legends often don’t make it to 27, and if Albert wanted to be part of that club, he should have checked out years earlier. His obituary photo didn’t do him any favors, either—his glasses were crooked, raising questions about family photo choices.
In a twist, Albert’s mom later found a bong, rare vinyl, and love notes under his bed, leaving everyone to reconsider his coolness posthumously.
So, this person decided to see if they could get a text from every Democrat out there, and guess what? They did. Every single one. It’s like a bizarre social experiment where instead of collecting stamps, they’re collecting pleas for five bucks. Barack Obama even slid into their DMs about his Presidential Library, which is sweet, but also a little awkward since they don’t live in Chicago and are not exactly flush with cash.
They rattle off a list of congressmen with names that sound like they belong in a thriller novel, and it turns out these politicians are more persistent than family members at a holiday dinner. Each text is a dramatic plea about how democracy hinges on their support, which is a bit much when you consider they’re also getting messages from people like Greg Landsman, who, despite being linked to a successful show, still needs that five-dollar boost.
They’re drowning in these long, urgent texts that all claim to be the “most important” election of our lifetimes, which raises the question: can they all be that important? It’s like a crowded room of people yelling for attention, and they’re just trying to keep up. They’ve even opted out of most messages, but somehow, the texts keep rolling in, making them wonder if opting out is the new way to stay in the loop. Meanwhile, they’re missing out on life and catching up with friends like Graham Platner, who’s probably wondering why they’ve ghosted.