Sep 28, 2026 · 6 min listen · Last updated September 28, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit here. September 28th. Seven pieces of comedy from the open web — let's see what stuck. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. What’s Rustling In That Leaf Pile?. An autistic husband receives a label maker, presumably to organize his thoughts or perhaps the chaos of life—who knows?
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Daily Comedy Brief · September 28th
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What’s Rustling In That Leaf Pile?
An autistic husband receives a label maker, presumably to organize his thoughts or perhaps the chaos of life—who knows? Meanwhile, a political ad flops spectacularly with a cast of bus drivers and a construction worker, making you wonder if they just ran out of ideas or if this was a secret audition for a new sitcom.
In a bizarre twist, a fat suit stops a bullet, which raises more questions than it answers about the nature of protection. Over in California, the state is grappling with a record calorie deficit—71 billion, to be exact. Sounds like they need a snack break, or maybe a potluck.
A woman tells her Uber driver that “right here’s great” after he zooms past her house, which is a lovely way to say, “You missed it by three blocks.” A janitor receives a nod but could stand to be a bit more appreciative, while a roller-rink birthday party manages to live up to the hype—who knew that was still a thing?
In other news, a laptop takes a trip to the bathroom, and the fourth sneeze of the day is pushing it, as if sneezing has a limit. A girl gets a hug with both arms, which is a nice touch, and someone grabs a handful of Sour Patch Kids for a quick trip to the mailbox. Starbucks patrons are silently judging each other—81% of them, according to a new study—because nothing says “community” like passive-aggressive coffee shop vibes. Lastly, a display of genuine enthusiasm gets mocked, proving that sometimes, being excited is the real punchline.
In Rockford, Illinois, a group of local teens had their plans to toilet paper their math teacher’s duplex derailed when they discovered the sad state of his home. Brendan Winchell, a 10th grader, was shocked to find his trigonometry teacher living in a place with peeling shutters and rusty rain gutters. Instead of the thrill of vandalism, the sight of the dilapidated duplex left them feeling sympathetic. They even considered tossing some toilet paper on the driveway but quickly noticed the trash already scattered around. The evening took a turn when they accidentally glimpsed their teacher’s bare refrigerator, sealing the deal on their change of heart.
An Incredibly Chillaxed, School-Bus-Stop Hang with the Gen X Dad Who Keeps Putting Atlas Shrugged in Your Little Free Library
A Gen X dad, who’s all about the chill vibes, is hanging out at the school bus stop with a millennial parent. He’s cracking open a beer at 8:27 a.m., claiming he’s a contrarian who enjoys the changing leaves while dismissing climate concerns. He reminisces about his latchkey kid days and how he misses the music on MTV, all while trying to remember the name of his friend’s daughter.
His twin sons, Limbaugh and Roark, are off to a private school with a prestigious history, and he’s jokingly proud of their early membership in The Federalist Society. He’s not pushing them to be prodigies, but he wouldn’t mind if they ended up at Johns Hopkins or UVA. As a child asks for string cheese, he quips about government handouts, tossing in a “Who is John Galt?” for good measure.
He’s also sharing his wild ideas, like suggesting that Trader Joe’s employees wear Hawaiian shirts instead of unionizing. He’s got a playful relationship with his dog, Alan Greenspaniel, and is ready to pop an edible in his doomsday bunker while reminiscing over Pearl Jam and Dunkaroos. It’s a lighthearted take on parenting, nostalgia, and the absurdity of life.
In a surprising twist for the adult recreational kickball scene, the Bad Pitches team in Washington, D.C. has been confirmed to be, well, quite intimate with each other. After a second-place finish last fall, the team celebrated at a bar known for its buy-one-get-one drafts, and things escalated quickly. Captain Seth Novine humorously noted that their outfielders were getting in on the action, suggesting that the giant rubber ball might have some unexpected aphrodisiac qualities.
Lacey Felicitas, the kickball commissioner, revealed that Bad Pitches isn’t alone in their extracurricular activities. She described the league as a “polycule fuckfest,” where the post-game socials often turn into something more than just drinks. The bathroom stalls have become notorious for weekend rendezvous, and as long as it’s consensual, the league turns a blind eye.
Bonnie Wier, a former member of Bad Pitches who moved to Boston, lamented the lack of similar debauchery in her new team, Bases Loaded. She reminisced about the wild nights back in D.C., where a home run could lead to a fivesome, contrasting it with the high fives she now receives. At the end of the day, she’s considering a trip back to D.C. to join her old team, perhaps to rekindle those steamy memories.
Five Grindcore Songs That’ll Only Take You Like, Two Minutes To Check Out. Seriously, What the Fuck Else Do You Have Going On?
Grindcore, that delightful mashup of metal and hardcore punk, has been around since the 80s, delivering short, intense tracks that often carry a political punch. If you’ve got a couple of minutes to spare—let’s be real, you probably do—here are five songs to check out.
First up, Terrorizer’s “Storm of Stress” from their iconic album “World Downfall.” It features some heavy hitters from the genre, and honestly, it’s a much better use of your time than scrolling through social media. Next, we have P.L.F. with “Renegade Incompetence,” a blistering track that clocks in at just about a minute. Seriously, why are you hesitating?
Then there’s Nasum’s “Time to Act!”—a minute and a half of pure grindcore goodness that you really shouldn’t ignore. If you think you’re too good for this, well, that’s just sad. Brutal Truth follows with “Walking Corpse,” featuring Dan Lilker, who’s done some legendary stuff in metal. If you’re still complaining about listening to a few minutes of music, maybe it’s time to reassess your life choices.
Finally, we round out the list with Napalm Death’s “Uncertainty Blurs the Vision,” a 40-second blast that should fit nicely into your busy schedule of, well, whatever else you’re doing. So, give these tracks a shot—your ears will thank you, and who knows, you might even enjoy it.