Oct 17, 2026 · 3 min listen · Last updated October 17, 2026
From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit, October 17th. Seven from the writers' rooms and the open mics — here's the one I keep thinking about. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Dick Pic Achieves Lifelong Dream of Being Solicited.
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Daily Comedy Brief · October 17th
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Dick Pic Achieves Lifelong Dream of Being Solicited
In a surprising turn of events, a dick pic has finally achieved its lifelong goal of being solicited, after years of being ignored and blocked. This low-res image, trapped in a data center filled with countless other unsolicited photos, found a moment of glory when a Tinder user, Paulina Walsh, expressed interest. She described her attraction to the pic's “dark and mysterious” vibe, even complimenting a chinchilla in the background. However, their connection was short-lived, as she was stuck in Latvia and the pic had no way to meet her.
Walsh, seeking more than just a casual fling, admitted her frustration with the typical offerings on dating apps, which often feature less-than-appealing selfies. She aimed for something more straightforward—what she called the “ATM of the male body.” Meanwhile, Tinder is doubling down on its efforts to block unsolicited images, with a spokesperson lamenting the unfortunate circumstances of this particular pic, which was less than ideal.
In a twist of fate, the dick pic has since found companionship with a feet pic, proving that even in the world of unsolicited images, there’s hope for unexpected connections.
Punk Over 35 Just Needs Phone, Keys, Wallet, Ear Plugs, Tums, Insoles, and Neck Fan to Go to Show
Older concertgoers in their late thirties and beyond show up with a full travel kit: phone, keys, wallet, ear plugs, Tums, custom insoles and a battery‑powered neck fan. Security staff describe the sight as more intimidating than a weapon, even though the only “cargo” is over‑the‑counter medicine.
One 37‑year‑old spends weeks fine‑tuning the routine, researching parking, swapping batteries, cutting insoles to fit calloused feet and using aviation‑grade ear plugs to stave off tinnitus. The preparation feels like unpaid labor for a single night of music.
Promoters see a cash‑rich niche, adding higher‑priced drinks, toddler‑gymnastics mats on the floor and training bartenders to suggest a modest two‑drink limit for weeknight shows.
Even indoors, a mid‑30s couple can be seen applying sunscreen, underscoring how punk has become a logistical sport as much as a sound.
In a surprising move before the midterms, President Trump decided to lift sanctions on Russian diesel exports, aiming to lower gas prices. Apparently, he just discovered that “farmers” rely on diesel, which sounds like a plot twist from a sitcom. The deal, however, raises eyebrows since it could funnel money back into campaign donations instead of bolstering the Russian economy—so, you know, win-win for Trump.
As for what Russia gets out of this, it’s just Ukraine. No big deal, right? And if you’re wondering about the diesel itself, it’s apparently got a nutty aftertaste—perfect for ruining your car when you accidentally grab the wrong pump. Congress, meanwhile, is too busy denouncing Hasan Piker to really focus on the implications of this deal. Classic.