Over the summer, I sat down with (and her lovely great dane). She was putting together profiles of women fighting White Christian Nationalism for the Global Project Against Hate and Extremism and asked me to participate. GO HERE to read the final article.
And PLEASE share it widely. Every woman profiled deserves more eyeballs, more consideration, more platforms, more opportunities, and more audience.
Today, I want to explore a few of my comments that didn’t make it into the final piece. Not to correct the record. But to underscore how honored I am to be included with this group of women.
I grew up in a White Christian Nationalist church and school. My mother was a covert narcissist. In both contexts, I was gaslit and manipulated to hate and fear other women and girls 24/7.
In the piece, I talk about female misogyny, women who hate women, and how it props up White Christian Nationalism. Because in my experience with WCN, other women were competition. They were suspect. Not to be trusted. Always looking to stab me in the back. The enemy.
As a result of this programming, I have struggled to bond with women throughout my life. In my late fifties, I can finally say I have a posse of healthy female friendships with very different women I admire, respect, and seek to emulate. And I still approach these relationships with a (probably) unhealthy dose of insecurity, because I’m always afraid my WCN/narcissist mom programming will burst through and ruin these connections.
As a writer in a capitalist society, I have also been conditioned to view every creator, but especially other female creators, as competition. It isn’t easy to find one’s place in a trad publishing and media environment where one person gets to be the expert on a topic, and you’re constantly told you can’t have a seat at any table because every table already has its expert.
I resented that message for most of my writing career and unfortunately resented the women who got the deals when I did not.
I started this Substack after failing to sell a memoir, which is mentioned in the GPAHE piece. One of my rejections cited a book that was “too similar” and “coming out soon” that mine would “compete with,” which was either ’ memoir * A Well-Trained Wife* (and everyone should read it) or April Ajoy’s
Instead of resenting women for achieving things I wanted, I charged into this Substack space determined to vanquish this WCN remnant from my psyche once and for all.
I personally reached out to three of the women I’m profiled alongside, read their books, and interviewed them for my Democracy Reading Group. Everyone can access my interviews with , , and below.
I cannot believe I share article space with , who I have long admired. and Sarah Bader bring their unique voices, lenses, and experiences to this space and shine spotlights where I cannot.
This female competition/capitalism complex tries to pummel us into hiding our lights, muting our voices, and believing our messages don’t matter.
Our individual voices matter. Our collective voice matters. However we choose to do the work and whatever comes of it, OUR CHOICE TO SPEAK MATTERS MORE THAN THE OUTCOME, because we never get to an OUTCOME if we don’t try. We always fail if we don’t SPEAK. No one will ever read or consider a story if we don’t tell it.
I celebrate every woman here along with everyone who tries to tell a story make a difference change the world. Because we aren’t competition; we are fighting for a better, fairer, safer, kinder world TOGETHER.
That’s a HUMAN’S place, and I’m proud to stand alongside these women and be part of it.
