You didn’t notice it happening…. that’s how it works…
Nobody wakes up one morning and decides to disappear. It happens in small trades… a laugh you swallowed so he wouldn’t catch an attitude, a plan you canceled so he wouldn’t throw a mini tantrum. An opinion you kept to yourself because it wasn’t worth the fight…
One year of that and you look up and can’t find yourself…
This isn’t a list to make you feel worse… It’s a map back… Read each one of these slowly… If it stings, that’s the one to begin with…and make sure you follow each prompt…
laughing out loud.
when was the last time you laughed without checking his face first?
wearing what you wanted.
name one thing you stopped wearing because of a comment he made. put it on this week.
saying no without a speech.
write down one “no” you owe someone right now. say it in five words or less.
calling your friends back.
who did you drift from while you were busy keeping him calm? text her today.
spending on yourself without guilt.
what’s the last thing you wanted and talked yourself out of? why did it feel like you had to ask?
speaking first.
what’s an opinion you’ve been holding back? write it down like it’s already allowed.
resting without earning it.
what would one full evening look like if you didn’t have to justify it to anyone?
making plans that were only yours.
pick one thing you’d do alone this month. put it on the calendar.
trusting your own memory.
write down one thing you know happened, exactly as you remember it. don’t edit it to make him look better.
if you only got through three of these, that’s enough…. SHE… meaning YOU… doesn’t come back all at once, but she does come back, one honest page at a time…
When I created “ THE FULL RETURN TO YOURSELF…” this was the whole point… the first 30 days to rebuild what you set down for those relationships…. self trust, boundaries… the voice you stopped using, and the last 30 days to take back the parts they tried hardest to erase…along with poetry written as something that holds your hands on the toughest nights of your life… for the nights the words won’t come out on their own..
I’ll leave it here…. so that you can begin tonight or whenever you’re ready…
You didn’t get smaller… You were made smaller. There’s a difference, and it means you can grow back and bloom in the aftermath…
