Now that we live in a world where men asking women out in real-life settings feels more awkward than ever, many men (especially those frustrated with dating or experiencing some degree of anxiety about rejection—aka, most single men) clamor for a world where the burden of taking the initiative is shifted to women.
It makes so much sense. Women reject men more often than men reject women, so presumably, more pairings would happen this way because fewer initiators would be rejected. Also, women, unless they are wielding a giant machine with “Scrotum Destroyer” printed on the side of it, generally do not make men feel unsafe, so there would be less risk involved for everyone (and besides, I have it on good authority that some men would be really into the scrotum destroyer.)
I’ve heard the following refrain from many men over the years: Okay, so making the first move is scary and women are afraid of rejection. Well, guess what? So are men! Why must men face the embarrassment but women get a pass?
So, if this is a genuine question and not just a rhetorical vent, this article will cover it, because there are several answers, all far more multifaceted than “women are afraid of rejection.”
Women do make first moves. They don’t make last moves.
Women are, basically, terrible closers. When men talk about women making the “first move,” they are imagining women approaching men in bookstores and asking them on dates, buying men drinks from across the bar, slipping their numbers to handsome waiters, and being the one to officially escalate a friendship with a coworker into something more. Some women do these things, but most don’t, at least not frequently. This type of initiative-taking is typically associated with men.
But these aren’t really first moves. These are last moves. Women do make first moves. The problem is, when men talk about “first moves,” they’re really talking about closing. Women are terrible at closing unless they’re selling you a revolutionary CRM system that’s completely disrupting the SaaS industry. As the saying goes, women chase a man until he catches her. Unfortunately, a lot of wires get crossed because men are bad at noticing that women are chasing, and women are bad at chasing, and even worse at closing.
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